hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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