You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
