chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
