My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
