I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
