What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
