Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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