i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
