i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My ATM looks so different sober.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
