I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
