just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
