ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dick very happy bro
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
