I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
