Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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