she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
