So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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