I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
