walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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