i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
