So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
