): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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