Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
