im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
