I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
