I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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