Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
