try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
