Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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