only if we run a train.
done.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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