No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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