I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
