Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
