i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
