So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
