Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
