I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
