So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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