its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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