Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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