dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
