Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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