it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
