but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
