yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
