put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
