I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
