I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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