oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
