I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
