she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
