everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
