yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
